marlboro black

alam naman nating lahat na masarap mag-yosi--lalo na nung mga college tayo kung saan malayo tayo sa kanya-kanya nating mga bahay. di natin alintana ang pwedeng maging epekto nito sa ating kalusugan dahil ang mahalaga, may karamay tayo sa saya, sa hirap. hindi ba't ito ang common denominator nating magkakaibigan? kahit pa alam nating nakamamatay, isa ang yosi sa mga nagbubuklod sa atin.

i've been smoking for 4 years now (except weekends, holidays, breaks--so parang yan din ang mga panahong walang student discount sa pamasahe). masasabi kong hindi ako adik kahit ganon. hindi ko siya hinahanap-hanap pag andito ako sa bahay lalo na kung sembreak. tamang chill lang, pag nasa malayo, go lang pag nasa restricted area (bahay) ko, edi bawal at wala akong magagawa. buong buhay ko siyang tinago sa magulang ko. noon akala ko hindi darating ang araw na malalaman nila to. hanggang sa..

lately sobrang stressed ako sa trabaho--physically and emotionally. bukod sa mga kaibigan ko sa trabaho, yosi ang naging kakampi ko para malaban ang bigat na nararamdaman ko. aminin natin, hindi naman siya masarap pero may bagay na hindi ko maipaliwanag kung bakit I feel good kapag nag-yoyosi ako. kahapon, nag-uwi ako ng lighter at half pack, itinago sa pinakatagong bulsa ng bag ko.

linggo, ginising ako ng nanay ko. nawala ang antok ko nang makita kong hawak niya ang yosi at lighter ko. at dahil pupungas pungas pa ko, hindi na gumana ang utak ko para magawan ng paraan na magsinungaling. after 4 years, inamin ko na ang totoo. masakit makitang magalit at maiyak ang nanay ko sa disappointment. alam ko, nagkamali ako dahil may choice naman ako. pero buhay ko naman to, ako naman ang gumagawa ng kapalaran ko at masakit tanggapin na in a way, pinili kong saktan ang nanay ko, pati na ang tatay ko. hindi ko akalain na magsasabay-sabay lahat ngayon. mistulang di ko na maidilat ang mata ko sa kakaiyak. mahirap mag-sorry. mahirap amining nagkamali ka. pero alang-alang sa nasirang tiwala ng nanay ko, hihingi ako ng tawad at mangangakong hindi na na magyoyosi kailanman. kahit pa hinusgahan niya ako, kahit pa nasaktan ako sa mga sinabi niya, kahit sa paningin niya masama akong babae--hihingi ako ng tawad.

NEO ends.

NEO stands for New Employees Orientation, a mandatory 7-day training in the bank where I'm now employed. It started last week and ended today. So why am I telling you all about this? Well, I just want to share my thoughts regarding the way I handled this 7-day training.

Imagine a fish being sent out to a group of starfishes. Yeah I know, my analysis seems kinda weird but all I want to say is that I felt like I do not belong on the first day. It was mainly because most of them are products of the bank's one-day hiring, they've been all together since that day and majority are cliques coming from the same university in college. And so I felt like I was an outsider. For the nth time, I was the ultimate anti-social, introvert, quiet-type person during the first few days of training. I was a bit hesitant to befriend them because they've already established a relationship and you know, the system will go wrong once 'change' comes into that system. Well I hope you get my point. I didn't want to be a nuisance and so I chose to be all by myself--NOT SO ME!!!

As days of my EMO state went by, I discovered myself mingling with these people, telling them some of my life's story and at the end of the day, IT FELT DAMN GOOD. I felt like a doggie being sent out of a cage. :D

And so the 7-day training ended and sadly, I wasn't able to establish a 'stronger' bond with my neo-mates since it's really too late for me to do that. But the good thing is that I had some of them added to my Facebook account. haha and I swear, I won't be suplada when I see them around the workplace.

getting started.

I always belittle my writing skills mainly because I don't really have a good command of the English language and therefore, that makes me a writer that sucks. But I came to realize that writing my thoughts, whether it may be on paper or online, is something I am fond of doing occasionally--especially if I have random thoughts which I think should be materialized (Uh, be seen and read perhaps so that I could decide if they're worth reading or not).

My colleague asked me one time if I blog and I said no. He asked why and I told him that I am not a hardcore type of individual who writes online every emotion he/she is feeling at the moment. Well those really are the ones who have the skill and passion and the mood to do such on a regular basis. That's definitely not me cos most of my sites are like white elephant projects. I tend to get bored easily so I just cancel those accounts after a year or two of dormancy and I am quite unsure and afraid if it's gonna be the same with this account.

Anyhow, I am glad I have something to do after work or when I'm bored--at least I know I'll be doing something productive even if the inputs are worthless.

Why karambola as the blog title? that's how cluttered my mind is. ALWAYS.

Have fun reading my blog, reader. I'll use English as much as possible. (I'm gonna need practice for work. hehehe. :D)